On Love and Hate

Wordcount day 12: 30,170 (!!!)

I insisted on reaching 30k before going to bed last night. I haven’t written a word all day but I’m trying not to beat myself up over that because everyone needs a break now and again. Besides, my mood has been horrendous all day and I don’t think that would make for very inspirational writing. It’s not helping that I’m struggling to be friends with my novel, either.

I’ve touched on this love and hate relationship before, in that there are times when I am in love with my plot and think it’s brilliant etc, and there are times where I’m, well, not. From what I understand this isn’t an entirely uncommon thing, and the Facebook group is full of people who seem to hate their book. I haven’t chimed in on that debate yet because I do actually like it sometimes.

Yesterday was by far the worst. I was writing chapter 9 and it is truly godawful. I haven’t read it (I haven’t read any of what I’ve written yet, I’m being good!), but I’m convinced that this is truly the worst crap I’ve ever written. The rest of my book will still require a lot of editing, but chapter 9 might have to be scrapped and redone completely. If it wasn’t for losing thousands of words on my total count I would have scrapped it already. There’s a necessary transition in there – my group of rebels are fleeing from their sanctuary and once outside they’re ambushed because someone ratted them out. That’s fine. That’s necessary to move the plot along and I need to keep the gist of that. But there was definitely something that happened while I wrote the scene of running through a dark tunnel that was just… AWFUL. Caps is necessary in this instance, nothing else can do it justice.

I got past that, eventually, after spending far too long on the dark and the running and I’m sure the reader is going to put the book down and never pick it up again if that’s going to go on for much longer, BUT.. Despite moving to the next scene I feel like I completely botched the tension that’s supposed to be in it.

Just to summarize: Chapter 9 sucks. The end. For anyone that is going to beta read this novel in December, consider yourself thoroughly warned. And you don’t need to tell me it’s bad. I’m extremely aware.

There are some positives though! Like the guy who is respsonsible for this crap happening and effectively becoming an antagonist finally has a name! (Thanks Anna) In the manuscript so far I’ve referred to him as [other guy]. A little jarring, you could say. I think in the revising process he’s going to get a bigger role than he has now. I already feel him trying to find a good place to make a proper entry into the story, and I’ll probably have to let him through at some point. Hopefully that will make things a bit more exciting.

Still not knowing where this story will end up, I’m becoming aware that it’ll take quite a bit more than 50,000 words for the story to be finished. Probably closer to 80,000, possibly a bit more after revising. For now I’m just letting my characters run around and do the storytelling for me. Anything else can be fixed later.

Thanks for reading, guys! I know I’m not saying too many interesting things, or much that’s new, but I appreciate you guys reading. And please comment! I know I nag, but I love seeing comments!


2 thoughts on “On Love and Hate

  1. calmharding says:

    As someone who is Alpha-reading your chapters my darling, I have to say that none of them so far have been awful in fact they have all been good or better. So I don’t believe for a moment it will be truly AWFUL as you say… And no. I will not let you look at what you have written until you are finished your first draft of the entire novel damn it! :P Then you get to agonise over every word and i will only stop you when you need to eat or sleep :P

    Today has hardly been productive for either of us, so its all good! Keep it up love! :)

    PS. No wordpress. I will not put a “z” in agonise. I’m British you twit.

  2. Emily says:

    Oh man, I’m with you and hear you here. I’ve been bitching to another writer-friend who declines to participate in NaNo (he’s more of a short story writer, anyway), that I’m incapable of writing without a solid outline, now. It’s as if my writing and awareness has now progressed to the point where I don’t want to squander my resources (time & energy) on a purposeless story.

    Sounds pompous, but it’s really really frustrating right now because I’d like to just enjoy this story without worrying how terrible the writing is or how unoriginal the characters are. Maybe what you’re experiencing is growth? :D (Hey, I’m trying to give this a positive spin, work with me here!)

    While your instincts are probably correct insofar that there is something wrong with the chapter, it’s rarely as bad as we first believe it to be. Give it some distance and keep moving forward. My first chapter? Takes some 3000 words before a conflict is even revealed. WAY TOO LONG. If people put down your book at Chapter 9 I salute you, because people will be putting down mine before they hit page 5 :P

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